Why did Kai take a break?

As the release of Beta-4 1.0A Luna draws near, I thought I'd answer the question "why was I on break?" Well, let's just say it had not too much relating to Potabi or the foundation, or the new Indiegogo campaign, the community, or even the amount of work I have been doing. Actually, this break wasn't even because of bad things, I mostly needed it because of an excitingly great thing, but let's talk about what's been going on in my personal life from worst to the main reason I took a break.

A lot of difficult things have been happening for me mentally. I am mentally ill (aren't we all), and I have often had panic attacks, hallucinations (auditory, visual, tactile), disillusion, and all that a lot more leading up to the break. I have to manage PTSD, a general anxiety disorder, and any one of the following (diagnosis's change any time I see a new doctor, so they may be correct, wrong, part of the problem, or the opposite of (Take it with a grain of salt, yes I am really upset with the doctors I have met with)): bipolar disorder,  schizo-effective disorder, clinical depression, DID (only one doctor said I might have this, but I don't think it was in any official capacity, I don't know how to get my diagnosis records), and what feels like a million others. With that said, I have been on a good mental health path, successfully avoiding self-harm for 90% of the last 20 months or so - I am proud of myself. This spike is nothing new, but can make life a lot more difficult, but I survived it. I also don't mean to make it sound like "oh look how hard my life is" as I have actually been doing really well overall even during the spike.

With that, the more light stuff. I am heading into finals week after Thanksgiving break (Nov 21-26) for this semester - I am a senior in high school currently. So school has been a little stressful, and there has been a lot of stress getting things done and keeping my grades decent. I have done well, my lowest grade being a D+ mostly from a major assignment that I turned in late that still needs to be graded.

But the biggest thing was because of the biggest, best thing I could have ever hoped for. After months of sobbing, and believing there was no chance, I finally see a certain email in my inbox when I got some mail from the same people.


I am not sure how I missed this when I first got it a week ago, but all that matters is I did. I was accepted to the University of Colorado Colorado Springs (UCCS). This was massive for me, as this was one of the two colleges I considered "dream colleges" for me. The other being University of California, Berkley (UC Berkley). Wanting to be a student at UCCS, being accepted - even though I often thought I was too worthless to even get into Pikes Peak Community College (PPCC) at times - was the biggest thing in my life. I had a literal party kinda. I needed a break because sometimes when the 2nd biggest weight off my shoulders (behind my backpack, which is unreasonably heavy) I needed to just sit down for a while and honestly take in the good feelings and the overdose of dopamine. 

I am coming back on the 17th - the day after I post this. See ya then!


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